When I get scared it can be really tempting to think I don't have time to play, it is wrong for me to experience Joy, it's wrong for me to be silly or give myself rest or recreation. I feel that dark cloud encroaching in my head and I am just so scared. Soon I'm telling myself a story I'm some kind of Cosmic Victim - the Universe is out to get me. I never say it in those terms because I know someone would argue me out of that. But that's what I'm believing, that's how scared I can get.